We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
