so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
