Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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