she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
