i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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