Please, let me fuck your mom
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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