I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
