oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
