Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
