I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
