he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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