we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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