Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
