shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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