I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
