We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
