Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize