Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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