There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
