we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
