I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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