she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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