ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize