Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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