Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
