we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
