Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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