just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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