Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
