I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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