All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Small penises have feelings too.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
