oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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