you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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