Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
