My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
