I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
