PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
