Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
