I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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