No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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