I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
