I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
