I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
send nudes
from the living room?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
