I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
