The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
