jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
