Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he was CRYING into my vagina
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize