You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
