If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize