They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize