i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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