I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
