I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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