i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That accounts for only three of the penises
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
