Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
