We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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