i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
