Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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