Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize