wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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