I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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