The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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