Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
