my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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