And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
