oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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