Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
