party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize