Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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