So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
