I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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