here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
