One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
