We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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