I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize