so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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