Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
