my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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