She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
