Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
