i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
