His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
