i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
