Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
