is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
