she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
