im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The uberlube is also flammable
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
