I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
